You know that terrifying moment on a video call when someone suggests something so profoundly detached from reality that your soul briefly leaves your body and you whisper into the void (after double-checking you are on mute), “Someday, I am going to write a book about this place”?
Consider this my rough draft.
Welcome to the professional enclosure. This is the corner of the blog dedicated to the absolute circus of the working world, where the primates wear lanyards and, more often than not, sweatpants with a button-down shirt and tie while attempting to dodge the feces being flung as passive-aggressive urgent chat messages at 4:58 pm on a Friday.
It is for the unhinged stories, the daily corporate grind, and those absurd situations that make you question how humanity manages to function between the hours of 9 to 5.
In today’s habitat, the glass walls of the exhibit have been replaced by the “leave meeting” button exposing all to see that there is a very special kind of psychological warfare in attempting to herd an unhinged group of feral primates into functionally productive citizens armed with nothing but a mouse and webcam while the chest-beating silverbacks in management somehow believe that mandating forced virtual “fun” and half a stale banana every year will fix morale.
Clock in, dramatically lower your expectations, and enjoy the chaos. Just please, whatever you do, don’t ask to speak to the manager, because in this habitat, my 10-year-old overweight dog is the undisputed Employee of the Month, and the coffee is actually worth the unsanctioned break.
